A selection of celebrity obituaries in verse.
Ted Hustead |
Henny Youngman |
Karla Faye Tucker |
Carl Perkins |
James Michener |
John Denver |
Dodi Fayed |
Seymour Cray |
Spiro Agnew |
William Colby |
George Burns
Subject: Ted Hustead Memorial Haiku Date: 1999/01/19 Turned down St. Peter to sell souvenirs in Hell (with FREE ICE WATER!) http://www.walldrug.com/ [Note: Ted Hustead is the founder of Wall Drug, South Dakota's tourist trap extraordinaire.]
Subject: Henny Youngman Memorial One-liner Date: 1998/02/25 Take my life -- please.
Subject: Re: Karla Faye Tucker Memorial Burma Shave Date: 1998/02/04 "Jesus Saves" They told her so But he won't do it On Death Row Burma Shave [Note: Karla Faye Tucker was the convicted murderer who attempted to obtain a pardon by becoming born again.]
Subject Re: Carl Perkins Memorial Haiku Date: 1998/01/22 Gary St. Lawrence -- The Saint wrote: > Perkins: Not well-known. > Only his fans knew his work. > Go fuck yourself. Perkins is o.k. But the food is a little Better at Denny's.
Subject: James Michener Memorial Haiku Date: 1997/10/16 The sweeping saga Of a literary life Ends the last chapter
Subject: John Denver Memorial Burma Shave Date: 1997/10/13 Almost Heaven He did sing; Now he's got the Real thing. Burma Shave
Subject: Dodi Fayed Memorial Burma Shave Date: 1997/09/02 Upstaged in death By British princess Money don't buy Column inches DODI WHO? [Note: Dodi Fayed was Princess Di's companion. This is one of my favorite obituary verses.]
Subject: Seymour Cray Memorial Haiku Date: 1996/10/07 Worms in his coffin are taking (in parallel) gigabites of Cray.
Subject: Spiro Agnew memorial haiku Date: 1996/09/18 Tax evasion's just a crime, not a mortal sin. (Or so Spiro hopes.)
Subject: William Colby RIP Date: 1996/05/07 His Cold War over, the chief of all spooks is now just another ghost.
Subject: George Burns Memorial Haiku Date: 1996/03/11 At the Pearly Gates, Desperately hoping that God Liked his portrayal.