A selection of celebrity obituaries in verse.<br>
<a href="#hustead">Ted Hustead</a> |
<a href="#youngman">Henny Youngman</a> |
<a href="#tucker">Karla Faye Tucker</a> |
<a href="#perkins">Carl Perkins</a> |
<a href="#michener">James Michener</a> |
<a href="#denver">John Denver</a> |
<a href="#fayed">Dodi Fayed</a> |
<a href="#cray">Seymour Cray</a> |
<a href="#agnew">Spiro Agnew</a> |
<a href="#colby">William Colby</a> |
<a href="#burns">George Burns</a> 

<hr>
<pre>
<a name="hustead">Subject:  Ted Hustead Memorial Haiku  
Date:  1999/01/19

Turned down St. Peter
to sell souvenirs in Hell
(with FREE ICE WATER!)

http://www.walldrug.com/

[Note:  Ted Hustead is the founder of Wall Drug, South Dakota's tourist
trap extraordinaire.]
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="youngman">Subject:  Henny Youngman Memorial One-liner
Date:  1998/02/25

Take my life -- please.
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="tucker">Subject:  Re: Karla Faye Tucker Memorial Burma Shave
Date:  1998/02/04

"Jesus Saves"
They told her so
But he won't do it
On Death Row

Burma Shave

[Note:  Karla Faye Tucker was the convicted murderer who attempted
to obtain a pardon by becoming born again.]
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="perkins">Subject  Re: Carl Perkins Memorial Haiku
Date:  1998/01/22

Gary St. Lawrence -- The Saint wrote:

> Perkins: Not well-known.
> Only his fans knew his work.
> Go fuck yourself.

Perkins is o.k.
But the food is a little
Better at Denny's.
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="michener">Subject:  James Michener Memorial Haiku
Date:  1997/10/16

The sweeping saga
Of a literary life
Ends the last chapter
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="denver">Subject:  John Denver Memorial Burma Shave
Date:  1997/10/13

Almost Heaven
He did sing;
Now he's got the
Real thing.

Burma Shave
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="fayed">Subject:  Dodi Fayed Memorial Burma Shave
Date:  1997/09/02

Upstaged in death
By British princess
Money don't buy
Column inches

DODI WHO?

[Note:  Dodi Fayed was Princess Di's companion.  This is one
of my favorite obituary verses.]
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="cray">Subject:  Seymour Cray Memorial Haiku
Date:  1996/10/07

Worms in his coffin
are taking (in parallel)
gigabites of Cray.
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="agnew">Subject:  Spiro Agnew memorial haiku
Date:  1996/09/18

Tax evasion's just
a crime, not a mortal sin.
(Or so Spiro hopes.)
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="colby">Subject:  William Colby RIP
Date:  1996/05/07

His Cold War over,
the chief of all spooks is now
just another ghost.
</pre>
<hr>
<pre>
<a name="burns">Subject:  George Burns Memorial Haiku
Date:  1996/03/11

At the Pearly Gates,
Desperately hoping that God
Liked his portrayal.
</pre>
<hr>
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